I’m taking part in the Big Bad Blogger Challenge 2010, and this is my first post as part of it. I think I need it, I need that little push to get me enjoying SL again.
Nothing is ever, ever as bad as it seems. There are always good things in your life, the little things that pick you up when you’re down, there is always something.
It might be a friend or loved one, saying one little sentence that reminds you how good your life really is, it might be something like spending time hanging out with a friend, SL or RL – it doesn’t matter. There is always something. Sometimes we forget, we forget about the friends who stand by us, no matter how badly behaved we are, no matter how sad, or frustrated and angry we are. We forget about the family we have, even if they’re less than perfect – at least we can say we have a family.
Family is subjective, it can be anything from a group of friends who look after each other like family do, or it might be a distant Aunt who is always there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. Whatever family means to you, it is something to be thankful for, some happy thing.
You might have a partner who loves you completely, who you love in return – offering you themselves to you completely, giving you their heart, and trusting you implicitly with it.
I’m admittedly the worst person in the world for forgetting. A combination of being selfish when I am low, having memory problems due to my medication, and being forgetful in general. Not that I excuse myself from it. I’m very aware of how forgetful I am, and sometimes that adds to my low moods sometimes. It takes me a few hours to fall down, and a few seconds to pick myself up again, usually.
I met some of the most amazing friends I have ever had the pleasure of knowing in SL. I am constantly uplifted by them, without them I would not be who I am right now. Myself. For once I have met people who truly understand, people I can communicate with, without fear of upsetting them, without fear of being ostracised for being a little eccentric, or having loud opinions.
The downside to being away from SL for so long, is that I am still very disorientated. I feel very distant from SL sometimes, like some old relationship that fizzled out, with all the awkwardness that goes along with it. I have lost my passion for SL, and I don’t think it’s just the break from it that has done it. I started playing SL because I craved social interaction, I craved an outlet for a very mentally abusive relationship, and I craved release, respite from my illness. I didn’t want to be defined by it any more, I wanted to be myself for once.
I did become myself, except now, I feel like SL only holds odd memories and feelings sometimes. I try and remember the good things from SL I’d done, the friends and such – except most of those memories are marred by my memories of the abuse relationship. Unfortunate, but it’s how it is.
Maybe when I’m doing therapy, maybe when I work my mind out with a professional, it will work out. I can’t wait that long. I need to dig deep and make new happy memories in SL, make new furniture, make new clothes – I need to push myself harder, be more firm with myself. If I want to do it – I should. I came back. I created a new shape, a new me. I created myself in SL. My shape is now exactly in proportion with my RL self. Tall, and hippy, for lack of a better word. My hips end up somewhere under my boobs, which is great sometimes. I’m curvy, and happy about it. The only downside to a shape modelled after myself, is the feet are too small in SL. I can resize shoes most of the time, but I have to make do with tiny, stubby little feet, in proportion with the avatar size, which makes me feel really weird. The face isn’t mind, but I still want a little bit of fantasy in my SL. I just needed a little more me!
I know this has been a long post, so here’s some pretty pictures to ease the pain of having to read a lot of rambling!
I am completely in love with I Love Olive hairs at the moment. They’re full of volume, and they’ve improved so much since I last heard of them. I’ve been chopping and changing between a few of I Love Olives latest releases, and I think I will do a hair post soon, just about them, that’s how much I love them!
I guess my look today is kinda equine in some ways, the leather jodphur style leggings and the Courtisane boots kind of add to that effect, at least. I finished off the outfit with a vest and cardigan from Fri.day. I actually didn’t buy anything in the sale. I couldn’t find anything I like that I didn’t already have! That’s unusual for me.
The skin is Mango Mango, a skin brand I believe is *highly* underblogged, which is odd, seeing as Sileny’s skins are fantastic. She takes part in Humpday Happiness, gives out freebies/dollarbies/cheapies and she is always creating fresher and more beautiful faces. She also does some really awesome unique skins, like doll faces, and even silent movie style skins, with red lips and grey skin . I love how all of her skins make my shape look simply adorable, and the skin texture is flawless!
Hair: Lily (Jet Black) by I Love Olive
Eyes: Diseased Eyes (High Purple) by Edge Grafica (Freebie on XStreet)
Skin: Cocoa (Pale Freckles) by Mango Mango
Vest: Basic Cami (White) by Fri.day
Cardigan: Long Cardi (Black) by Fri.day
Leggings: Snap Leather Pants by Bijou
Boots: Marie Lu (Brown) by Courtisane (Freebie)
Poses: #1 (Alesha p2) On the Cover #2 (rainy day) Sunflower Poses