BBBC #5 – Freedom

I have been listening to the same song for a while lately. It echoes a lot of feelings I’ve been having lately – namely that I’m not half as crazy as my Mum thinks I am, and more crazy than *I* think I am. It’s relative I guess.

I’ve started to get back into creating lately. It’s slow, but getting there. It’s a lot of work really, I’m trying to use the textures I made throughout my 16 months in SL. I love making textures, though I feel like I can’t use them to open a store, because a friend of mine has a texture store, and she is so much better at them than me. I mean, even I’m a fangirl.

I already have some of my textures ready for my store, when I’m ready to start it up. I’m completely broke inSL and RL, so now is the time to get the creative juices going and get on with making things. Jacq has been dropping less than subtle hints that I should start building again, and I love her for it, cause it has pushed me (in the oh so good way) to make the effort.

The thing is, I know stores who don’t make any effort to make their own textures, or sculpts. They use prebought everything. Not that it’s a bad thing,but how original is it, to make up the stuff from the kit, right out of the box? Where is the creativity in doing the jigsaw like the picture on the box?

I prefer to mix and match any sculpt kits I buy. I want to make things that are well made, low prim and original, with sexy awesome textures, and sell at the cheaper end of the market.

I’m open to ideas of what SLers want in a furniture/clothing store -what haven’t you seen in SL, that you really would love to have?

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BBBC # 3 & 4

I missed yesterday’s  BBBC, mainly because my sleep pattern is totally messed up at the moment.  I’m just gonna go ahead and do 3 and 4 in the same post 😀

SL Bloggers – How hard do you think it is to find a relationship in SL? If you have an SL relationship, have you met in the physical world? Would you meet them? Do you think it would change your SL relationship if you met?

RL Bloggers – Would you start a relationship with someone you met online? Would you have a problem telling people that’s where you met? Do you think it’s easier to meet someone online rather than at work or at a club?

I fit in both criteria I think on this one.

I have never had a romantic relationship in SL. I don’t ever intend to, not that I ever have. I just don’t have much faith in SL’s ability as an internet dating system. It lacks the control I desire over who I would like to be able to contact me, and I do not want to have to ever, EVER deal with pixel sex. Ever.

The only love I have found in SL is the friendship kind. I met my best friend on SL, and she’s so very important to me. I would freakin’ LOVE to meet her, and I doubt it would change a thing. The thing about us, is we’re the same in both SL and RL, which is something that gets in the way of all relationships in SL. If you can’t be honest with each other about who you are, it’s really not fair to ever meet, because your expectations will be too high, and it will completely mess up the fantasy relationship you have built.

I have met plenty of past partners in RL over the internet. It is easy, too easy. I met my fiancée on OKCupid. We were a 99% match. Once I re-answered a question, we were 100%. Neither of us is ashamed of where we met, we would never have met otherwise, he lived about 45 minutes away and I lacked any social skills of note at the time.

I don’t think the internet is necessarily easier to meet people, but it offers those of us with lesser social skills and anxieties about people and public places, to be able to be social, without the stress. It means more people are out there on the internet, looking for love, or friendship, or just someone to talk to.

SL Bloggers – Is your avatar more or less your current biological age? Do you portray a younger avatar, or older? Why is this?

RL Bloggers – Do you lie about your age? Do you think you act your age? Are you where you thought you’d be at your current age?

My avatar is me. I don’t roleplay, or anything like that. I am the same shape and height in SL, as I am in RL too.  I don’t lie about my age on SL, or RL. I should resist the urge to rant on this, but it’s 4am and I really wish people would quit lying to others. Lying about your age is a serious problem. If you can’t be honest to people you care about, then you’re not being honest with yourself, which is probably part of the problem.

I wouldn’t say I act my age. Until recently, I was reluctant to grow up. I realised I am 23, a year older than my Mum was when she had me, and I was scared. I didn’t want what she has now, not the way she has it. She has 5 children. She is depressed, and broke, and stresses like no other. I didn’t want to grow up and face reality, because as far as I knew, adulthood was nothing but stress and misery.

How wrong I was.

Acting my age is subjective or something. I know when to put my grown up face on and deal with life’s little problems, but at the same time, I refuse to give up the happiness. I will forever be the joker with my friends and family. I will forever be the funny girl, and that is fine with me.

I’m not where I expected to be at my age, when I was younger, only because if you asked me 10 years ago, you wouldn’t have got a pleasant answer – I was dealing with depression and a lot of family stress at the time, and struggled with self harm and suicide.

I am not even where my family expected me to be, they expected me to get pregnant at 16, and live a life of misery and poverty, like all the other chavvy inbred girls in my home town. I think they’re still shocked now.

100L Sale @ Glitterati

Glitterati Sale Jun-July 2010

It’s that time again, time to gather your purses and trot down to Glitterati for the sale! Discounts apply to everything in the store (Except the new stuff, which is from Pose Fair 2010 onwards) – so it’s a fantastic chance to fill up on some of the best poses on the grid! The sale runs from The 15th of June until the 15th of July, with gives you a month to stock up, before Glitterati closes for a redesign and a new look!

This is also the last chance to use any leftover giftcards, as they will be discontinued after the sale. This is the perfect chance to use them against the sale items!

The sale  also applies to some of the other vendors on the Glitterati sim, keep your eyes peeled for disco balls outside their stores!

I absolutely love this Headshot set. Not just cause the name reminds me of my days fragging in Team Fortress 2, but because poses that focuse on the face are few and far between.

From L to R, the headshots are in numerical order (1 -10)

There are also awesome freebies like this fence, which has 9 awesome poses in it. This pose is my favourite, it looks like I’m waiting for someone, or something. It’s very demure, as are all the poses on the fence.

Adorable Cyclic not included, sorry! 😀

I also liked this Social Climber set, it includes multiple poses, so you and the whole freakin’ family can jump on and reach for the top! Again, some awesomely cute poses. I love how casual and natural the poses at Glitterati are.

Y'know, just chillin'. 'Sup?

And lastly, the outfit! I love when I sort inventory and find freakin’ adorable dresses like this Scruffy Gora dress. I don’t even know when I got it, and the store is now gone, though the owner still sells her stuff through XStreet. Her lolita style dresses are really cute, and only 50L, which is a bargain. Her outfits are complete with socks and stuff too, so it is easy to match up some shoes and whatever.

The shoes are In Her Shoes, a well loved shoe freebie store – and they update regularly. I remembered I had these, I think they complement the dress and socks perfectly!

Skin is of course, Mango Mango. Hair is I love Olive.  Do you think I have favourite brands? xD

Hair: Isa (Jet Black) by I Love Olive
Eyes: Diseased Eyes (High Purple) by Edge Grafica (Freebie on XStreet)
Skin: Dinner Date (Pale Freckles) by Mango Mango
Dress and Socks: Rave Lolita by Scruffy Gora (This outfit is no longer available)
Shoes: Circus Lolita (Red) by In Her Shoes
All Poses: Headshots, Fence, Social Climber all at Glitterati

BBBC #2 – A Change.

I wanted to challenge myself further with the BBBC, by not using the example questions, and figuring out my own topics to talk about. Today is an exception, I guess. Things RL are a little hectic, and even SL, I have a long list of to-do’s that is threatening to shank me if I don’t give in to it’s demands. I’m going to answer yesterday’s question however, because technically, I already listed my good things yesterday :3 I’ll do tomorrows question properly XD

Why did you become a blogger? How has it enriched your life?

It’s hard to say. I started blogging when I first started creating,  I was managing a really terrible mall, full of people who couldn’t market their way out of a paper bag, and used blogging to try and get some of the more creative vendors some publicity.

I then got a spot blogging for Shopping Cart Disco. They needed someone in a different timezone, and being GMT, and having written posts, I got the gig. I also blogged at a Free Candy For Girls, which is now erased. I blogged with an SL friend, Mari – and we just posted whatever looks we were wearing. I did an expose on Douchelist SL at one point.

I blog because I want to. I don’t take on any pressure to blog, if I can help it, unless I’m pressuring myself to do it, in which case, I’m down with that.

I wouldn’t say it enriches my life, necessarily. It’s just another hobby, really.

I apologise profusely for a post that really doesn’t add up to the content from last night. If I was feeling well enough I am sure I would have put a little more thought into this post.

BBBC #1 – It’s never as bad as you think.

I’m taking part in the Big Bad Blogger Challenge 2010, and this is my first post as part of it. I think I need it, I need that little push to get me enjoying SL again.

Nothing is ever, ever as bad as it seems. There are always good things in your life, the little things that pick you up when you’re down, there is always something.

It might be a friend or loved one, saying one little sentence that reminds you how good your life really is, it might be something like spending time hanging out with a friend, SL or RL – it doesn’t matter. There is always something. Sometimes we forget, we forget about the friends who stand by us, no matter how badly behaved we are, no matter how sad, or frustrated and angry we are. We forget about the family we have, even if they’re less than perfect – at least we can say we have a family.

Family is subjective, it can be anything from a group of friends who look after each other like family do, or it might be a distant Aunt who is always there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. Whatever family means to you, it is something to be thankful for, some happy thing.

You might have a partner who loves you completely, who you love in return – offering you themselves to you completely, giving you their heart, and trusting you implicitly with it.

I’m admittedly the worst person in the world for forgetting. A combination of being selfish when I am low, having memory problems due to my medication, and being forgetful in general. Not that I excuse myself from it. I’m very aware of how forgetful I am, and sometimes that adds to my low moods sometimes. It takes me a few hours to fall down, and a few seconds to pick myself up again, usually.

I met some of the most amazing friends I have ever had the pleasure of knowing in SL. I am constantly uplifted by them, without them I would not be who I am right now. Myself. For once I have met people who truly understand, people I can communicate with, without fear of upsetting them, without fear of being ostracised for being a little eccentric, or having loud opinions.

The downside to being away from SL for so long, is that I am still very disorientated. I feel very distant from SL sometimes, like some old relationship that fizzled out, with all the awkwardness that goes along with it. I have lost my passion for SL, and I don’t think it’s just the break from it that has done it. I started playing SL because I craved social interaction, I craved an outlet for a very mentally abusive relationship, and I craved release, respite from my illness. I didn’t want to be defined by it any more, I wanted to be myself for once.

I did become myself, except now, I feel like SL only holds odd memories and feelings sometimes. I try and remember the good things from SL I’d done, the friends and such – except most of those memories are marred by my memories of the abuse relationship. Unfortunate, but it’s how it is.

Maybe when I’m doing therapy, maybe when I work my mind out with a professional, it will work out. I can’t wait that long. I need to dig deep and make new happy memories in SL, make new furniture, make new clothes – I need to push myself harder, be more firm with myself. If I want to do it – I should. I came back. I created a new shape, a new me. I created myself in SL. My shape is now exactly in proportion with my RL self. Tall, and hippy, for lack of a better word. My hips end up somewhere under my boobs, which is great sometimes. I’m curvy, and happy about it. The only downside to a shape modelled after myself, is the feet are too small in SL. I can resize shoes most of the time, but I have to make do with tiny, stubby little feet, in proportion with the avatar size, which makes me feel really weird. The face isn’t mind, but I still want a little bit of fantasy in my SL. I just needed a little more me!

I know this has been a long post, so here’s some pretty pictures to ease the pain of having to read a lot of rambling!

Headshot

I am completely in love with I Love Olive hairs at the moment. They’re full of volume, and they’ve improved so much since I last heard of them. I’ve been chopping and changing between a few of I Love Olives latest releases, and I think I will do a hair post soon, just about them, that’s how much I love them!

Bodyshot

I guess my look today is kinda equine in some ways, the leather jodphur style leggings and the Courtisane boots kind of add to that effect, at least. I finished off the outfit with a vest and cardigan from Fri.day. I actually didn’t buy anything in the sale. I couldn’t find anything I like that I didn’t already have! That’s unusual for me.

The skin is Mango Mango, a skin brand I believe is *highly* underblogged, which is odd, seeing as Sileny’s skins are fantastic. She takes part in Humpday Happiness, gives out freebies/dollarbies/cheapies and she is always creating fresher and more beautiful faces. She also does some really awesome unique skins, like doll faces, and even silent movie style skins, with red lips and grey skin . I love how all of her skins make my shape look simply adorable, and the skin texture is flawless!

Credits

Hair: Lily (Jet Black) by I Love Olive
Eyes: Diseased Eyes (High Purple) by Edge Grafica (Freebie on XStreet)
Skin: Cocoa (Pale Freckles) by Mango Mango
Vest: Basic Cami (White) by Fri.day
Cardigan: Long Cardi (Black) by Fri.day
Leggings: Snap Leather Pants by Bijou
Boots: Marie Lu (Brown) by Courtisane (Freebie)
Poses: #1 (Alesha p2) On the Cover #2 (rainy day) Sunflower Poses